Friday, January 13, 2012

New Year, New Misery!

Happy New year everyone (hello, hellooooo, anyone?!?). For the first time in 6 years I go into a New Year single.

Yep, me and Sarah broke up! I know, for some of you this will be the first you’ve heard of it but it's just been easier for me to sometimes not say anything.  I was hoping the news would get round to most people via word of mouth but as I found out at work last week, in fact even just yesterday, some people still didn't know.  Well, I guess you do now!

Back in May, Sarah said that she wasn't sure how she felt anymore and our relationship gradually fell apart from there!  I knew things were past the point of no return on the day of one of my oldest friends' wedding.  Right from the start of the drive up to Newmarket, with another of the primary school bffs (best friends forever, yes, I can't believe I actually used that either!) and his missus in the back, Sarah was jus, well, angry!  The drive was an absolute nightmare.  Those two hours behind wheel (thanks A406 roadworks!) really were two of the worst of my whole life.  I couldn’t do anything right but I wasn’t even doing anything wrong!

We just about arrived in one piece and for the most part had a really good day.  Sarah got smashed at the dinner/reception so after the meal I tried to keep out of her way!  Come Sunday she was very apologetic and we travelled back down the M11 on a beautifully sunny Sunday in relative harmony.  Paul and Jo, no doubt fearing another repeat of the journey up, wisely opted to travel home with someone else!

Until she moved out in mid-July Sarah more or less opted out of life in the flat and for the most part we led separate lives.  They were a pretty horrible couple of months and it’s still not very nice thinking to back then really.

We have a bit of contact from time to time, mainly to do with the car.  It’s like we’ve got joint custody!  The running costs are cut in half and we do seem to be able to deal with things in a civilised way so at the moment it’s probably OK.

Over the next couple of months things started to get a bit easier.  At first it was quite lonely in the flat but at the same time it was nice coming home knowing that there wasn’t going to be any drama.  I gradually started to tell people that me and Sarah had broken up.  It was really hard to know how to approach things, especially with people at work because that’s where we met.

Moving on…a few of us from the #bushw12 crowd had been meeting up pretty regularly to do the Crown & Sceptre pub quiz on a Monday night and I think that’s where a few of them had the idea to put on an old skool D&B  night.  Roll on to October and I suppose life was gradually returning to normal.  Football season in full swing, etc., etc. and mid-month the Urban Jungle night took place in the Raving Buddha.

I turned up after a few beers post Bees v Scunthorpe (I needed them after the tame 0-0 against a team with ten men for the last twenty!!) and had a good night.  After pub kicking out time a few of us went back Askew Road way to have a couple more beers.  I ended up crashing on the sofa because I couldn’t be arsed to walk back to my end of the W12.  The full English from Louche on the Sunday made up for being subjected to late night and morning repeats of X Factor!

I can’t exactly remember when it was but a week or two later we had another #bushw12 tweetup.  During the night I was told that I had made a bit of an ‘impression’ on one of the girls at the Urban Jungle night.  I had thought that she was nice even though for most of the night she was head down asleep on a table.  I guess that’s what getting bottles of Moet for £16 does to you!  Anyway the little birdie told me that aforementioned girl was coming back to London mid-November so I thought that I’d meet them up for a couple of beers.

Typically it turned out that it was the same day as the Bees away game at Rochdale.  A few of us had already arranged to make the trip up in Meg (the silly name I gave joint custody car when me and Sarah bought it from her brother!) so I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get back in time.

As it turned out the trip up and back down were almost perfect journeys.  It was plain sailing on the M40 and M6 both ways and with a 2-1 win in the bag I was home at 21:00.  I headed down to Chiswick to meet the girls and we had a good evening in the George IV even though there were a few too middle aged married couples dancing to the one man and his guitar doing his thing!

I spent the next few weeks trying to work out whether I was over Sarah and therefore ready to go out on a date.  Having been with Sarah for over five years it was hard to come round to the idea that it really was over but I came to the conclusion that I was ready to take that first step so I asked for said her number and sent her a message.  I was chuffed when I got a reply and we arranged to meet up on the Friday before New Year’s, New Year’s Eve eve I suppose!

She was coming to London for New Year’s at the O2 and was staying at a friend’s in Hackney so we met in Old Street.  The night went really well and over the next week or so we texted each other a fair bit.  Thinking about it, maybe this was the problem.   Anyway we arranged to meet again Monday this week and I that’s where it seems to have gone pear shaped!

After all the going out over Christmas and New Year’s I was typically lumbered with a lovely (!!) cold sore on my top lip.  I do get them from time to time, usually after a few consecutive nights out.  The body is tired and a bit run down (so I’ve read in the past about the possible causes) so is more susceptible.  Anyway my top lip is still recovering a week and a half later so I did feel a bit self-conscious on Monday.  Coupled with us being in a quiet pub in Victoria, although it did have really good music, I don’t think I did myself justice.

A busy pub on a pre-New year’s Friday night in Old Street is a lot more atmospheric than a start of the week Monday in early January so maybe that helped create the spark that clearly wasn’t there this week.  Perhaps London to Kent really is too far for a relationship to work in the long term.  Whatever the reason I’m sad :(

I’m sure plenty of people wouldn’t really care after just a couple of dates but after the slow build-up and me having decided to explore life after Sarah I feel even more vulnerable than I did back in the Angelsea Arms when Sarah dropped her bombshell.  Truth be told things had been pretty shit for while so I had expected things to come to a head sooner rather than later!

In contrast the text on Tuesday was a total shock and I still feel like the rug has been pulled from underneath me.  Still, at least she was honest I guess.  Finding out now makes it less painful in the long run I but it would still have been nice to have gone out again on a less crap night.

Not much I can do about it now though :(

1 comment:

Clint H said...

Ahh mate, the matters of the heart can be rather crazy and depressing! Sorry to hear but like a stubborn band-aid, the painful ending for (both) of these relationships - it will get better soon. No need to rethink these thigns too much, and focus on your mates and activities and these things will have a funny way of working out again!

Good luck!